I'd Like To Blame It All On Life
by WalkOnThroughARedParade
Summary: 'He sighs; and then he gets to his feet, dusts off his jeans absently - because it's a Saturday, and everyone else is only wearing their uniforms because it's for 'Blaine' and it needs to be 'perfect' - and leaves his room' Post 5x01 - Niff, discussed Klaine - Jeff POV - Rated K plus for a kiss - Please review


**Title**; I'd Like To Blame It All On Life

**Word Count**; 2,709

**Summary**; '_He sighs; and then he gets to his feet, dusts off his jeans absently - because it's a Saturday, and everyone else is only wearing their uniforms because it's for _Blaine_ and it needs to be _perfect_ - and leaves his room. He needs proof he was right. __He needs to see Kurt's face._'

**Relationships**; Niff, Klaine, mentioned past!Jeff/others, suggested past!Kadam

**Rating**; K+

**Warnings**; Spoilers for 5.01; in depth discussions of what constitutes a healthy relationship and how cheating should be handled in relationships; angst; neutral stance on Klaine; possibly OOC Kurt

**Disclaimer**; I do not own Glee or the characters from it, nor do I own the actors who portray them; this has been written without their knowledge or permission with the intention of entertainment and personal writing practice.

**Notes**; IDK kids. I got bitten by the fanfiction bug. This is just basically me speaking through my dear missing Jeff and then some hurt/comfort Niff. It's a possible canon reason for Jeff not being present in all the Warbler bits; we all know in reality Riker is off being a rock star. :p

* * *

He can hear the music, so loud it's coming through the floor of his dorm room.

A large part of him wants to stamp on the floor, or throw heavy objects onto the carpet, disrupt the audible cheer. He wonders if there'd be a break in the '_yeah, yeah, yeahs_' if he did so, or if they'd keep going, ignoring the only Warbler who'd said 'no' when asked if he wanted to help Blaine propose to Kurt.

He thinks they'd probably ignore him, just like they did when he tried to explain.

Jeff Sterling sits on his bed and stares listlessly at the wall, listening to the Beatles being sung by people he loves for a reason he sort of hates; and he sighs.

Just once; a long, sad breath, so soft it might as well be silent.

He sighs; and then he gets to his feet, dusts off his jeans absently - because it's a Saturday, and everyone else is only wearing their uniforms because it's for _Blaine_ and it needs to be _perfect_ - and leaves his room.

He needs proof he was right.

He needs to see Kurt's face.

* * *

"Hey." The swing of Jeff's leg picked up force, his heel smacking into the wall he was sat on; and he glanced back over his shoulder, regarding Kurt with a carefully neutral expression.

"You're not staying inside to soak up the applause?" If the question had bitterness to it, he kept it hidden; and Kurt offered the blonde Warbler a tight, reluctant smile.

"It was Blaine's whole plan; all I did was say yes." Jeff's composure cracked, and Kurt caught the start of a sarcastic smile as the younger boy turned back to staring across the campus, leg swinging again.

"Right. All you did." Kurt sighed; and he moved to sit beside Jeff, ignoring the possible damage such a move was causing to his pants. His friend was upset for some reason; however much he like this outfit, that was more important.

"You didn't join in with the others." It wasn't really a question, but there was curiosity behind it; and Jeff sighed, running his fingers through his hair.

"No. No, I didn't. I was the only one who voted against helping Blaine propose to you, too." Jeff's voice dropped to just above a whisper, and he stared at his hands.

"Trent won't talk to me. And Nick keeps giving me these _looks_…" His voice wavered at the mention of his boyfriend, and the cool response he'd received from him every time he's tried to initiate a conversation over the last three days; and Kurt's expression twisted with sympathy.

"Why did you vote no?" He asked, tone gently probing; and Jeff sighed, shutting his eyes and rubbing at his face tiredly.

"I voted no because I don't think two people should get engaged when they've only just gotten back together; and because…" Jeff appeared to work on mustering his courage for a moment; and his next words came out in a rush.

"BecauseIdon'tthinkyouandBlaineshouldbetogetherany more." Kurt frowned at him; and Jeff wince, before repeating himself at a slower pace.

"I don't think you and Blaine should be together anymore." He offered softly.

Kurt's expression cleared; before creasing again.

"Why?"

The response almost exploded out of Jeff, and he gestured with his hands as he spoke.

"Because he cheated on you! He cheated on you, Kurt, with some random guy he met on Facebook, and…and he _blames you for it_. I know he blames himself too, I listened to the monologues; we _all_ did, they went on for _hours_. But he's blaming you too, and you don't _do_that. Even if…even if you did do some things wrong, he shouldn't put the blame on you because he could have confronted you about it and solved whatever problems you were having like an _adult_. Cheating was his choice, his mistake, and if he can't own up to that then…then you two aren't right for each other." Jeff seemed to lose some of his enthusiasm, and he turned his attention back to his hands as he continued, voice gentle.

"I'm not boyfriend of the year, okay, I've not exactly got the right to preach at anyone. But he couldn't even last two months with you in New York when you were _just_ dating. What's he gonna do now you're engaged? He can't visit you every weekend, and you still have school and a job, so you can't exactly text every minute of every day. And you know people can make promises or whatever but it's harder to stick to them than anyone wants to admit." He sighed heavily.

"I…I feel like, if you two are really meant to be together, you need time apart. You need to date other people; seriously, giving them real chances to be the one or whatever. If after that you still want to come back together, fine; maybe then it's mean to be, but…but you can't know for sure until you test it." He screwed up his nose in frustration.

"And you shouldn't get engaged days after getting back together. You should at least wait like six months, until you're sure this is gonna stick." Kurt watched him silently; and when he spoke, Jeff winced.

"What did you mean? When you said you're not boyfriend of the year?" For a moment the blonde looked impossibly sad, and he scrambled to recover control of the conversation.

"We're not talking about me, Kurt." He sounded so miserable, however, that Kurt had to push again.

"Jeff. What did you mean? What's going on with you and Nick?" Jeff shifted uncomfortably; and in his lap, his hands curled into fists.

"There have been…rumours, going around. That I've been cheating on him. And you know I'd _never_, not to Nick, but…but you know my history. I've not exactly been…great at monogamy, before Nick. And I can tell that part of him believes the rumours." His smile was tight, almost pained.

"I wasn't really surprised when he didn't even let me explain why I voted against helping Blaine. I'm pretty sure he's working up the nerve to break up with me." Kurt's expression softened, and he reached out to rest a comforting hand on Jeff's wrist.

"Jeff…" The blonde blinked hard, banishing any tears that might have been building up in his eyes; and he looked back at Kurt.

"I don't want to talk about this, Kurt. We're…we're talking about you and Blaine. Why did you say yes to him? You didn't look happy when he proposed to you; I thought you were going to say no." Kurt hesitated, something in his eyes surprised at Jeff having noticed his expression when no one else had seemed to; before he sighed.

"Blaine makes me feel…safe. And loved. So much more than I've ever felt before. He makes me happy. And I…I don't know that I'm ever going to find that with anyone else." Jeff watched him silently for a moment, and Kurt watched him right back with an almost nervous smile; before Jeff cracked a smile of his own.

"You're an idiot, Kurt." He offered; and before Kurt could voice the insulted protests written across his face, Jeff continued.

"You've never even given anyone else a chance to make you feel that way; how do you know Blaine's the only one who can? And be honest; he's not the only one who has been or ever will be interested in dating you." Kurt's mouth snapped shut; and he frowned.

"…yeah, well you're an idiot too. Talk to your boyfriend, Jeff; make him listen to you." Jeff's shoulders slumped, and he seemed to shrink in on himself.

"I've _tried_." He insisted weakly.

"You know what Nick is like; if he believes something, that's that. He won't be talked out of it. And I…I don't exactly have a squeaky clean record to fall back on, do I?" He hunched even further in on himself, and stared at his hands listlessly.

"It doesn't even matter that I'm in love with him; he's barely even talking to me right now." Kurt watched something behind the both of them, and probed gently.

"And how does that make you feel, Jeff?" The humour of Kurt using the much recycled psychiatrist's line was lost on the upset teenager, and he opened and closed his fingers absently.

"Sort of like I'm dying." He murmured; and tightened his hands into fists so tight his knuckles were white.

"It hurts every time he brushes me off; like…like there's something missing inside my chest." Kurt continued to watch whatever had caught his attention, but squeezed Jeff's elbow comfortingly.

"Why don't you tell him that?" The laugh that rumbled out of him was choked and upset, and Kurt arched an eyebrow at whoever he was watching.

"He doesn't care. I don't blame him. He's probably right about me anyway." Kurt sighed and patted Jeff's shoulder, getting to his feet; but Jeff spoke before he could leave.

"Hey, Kurt?" The older boy blinked down at him; and Jeff glanced up at him, smiling tentatively despite the fact there was something in his eyes that was still impossibly sad.

"If you're still sure about accepting this proposal, wait two years. If you can make it that long…yeah, marry him. But don't rush into it." Kurt smiled down at him.

"Will you dance at my wedding if we wait two years?" He asked; and Jeff mustered a grin.

"With both grooms and the best men too." The brunette laughed, and started to head back into the school, leaving Jeff to stare at his hands, interlocking his fingers absently; and then shutting his eyes, pressing his joined hands against his forehead and sucking in a shaky breath.

He could hear Kurt talking to someone behind him, but he ignored it in favour of trying to get a hold of himself; right until someone dropped back onto the wall beside him.

Jeff's eyes snapped open, and he turned to look at the new person sat beside him; only to visibly flinch and hunch away from him, almost as if he was expecting to be hit.

Nick's expression turned hurt as he watched the reaction.

"Don't look at me like that, Jeff." He pleaded; and Jeff swallowed.

"Like what?" He asked; and his boyfriend sighed.

"Like I'm going to hit you, or break up with you; like you don't know which one would be worse." The blonde looked away; and Nick winced.

"How much of that did you hear?" Jeff asked softly; and Nick sighed.

"All of it." He admitted.

"I followed Kurt out; hung back when he sat next to you." Jeff hung his head; and Nick's expression softened, and he reached out as if to touch his arm.

"Jeff…" He was cut over, Jeff's voice rough as he spoke.

"It's okay, you know. If you want to break up with me. It's not the first time, and it's not like I don't understand." Nick stared at him for a moment; before he sighed again.

"I don't want to break up with you, Jeff. Why would you even think that?" Jeff's response was sharp and especially bitter.

"Maybe because ever since that _stupid_ rumour started going around you've been acting like we're not even _friends_." Jeff immediately looked like he regretting the words, head snapping up so he could shake his head at Nick, take the words back; but Nick just looked back at him guiltily, closing the last few inches and taking hold of Jeff's hand.

"I know. I've been an asshole lately." The blonde stared at him, thrown by the admission; and when he spoke again his voice shook, heralding the thin line he was walking between holding his composure and bursting into tears.

"D-do you really think I would do that to you? That I could cheat on you, Nick?" Nick looked guilty for a moment, and Jeff sucked in a breath that seemed to catch half a dozen times, pulling his hand away and trying desperately to cling to the threads of his moderately calm façade so he wouldn't embarrass them both by crying in public; but Nick caught him before he could go too far, taking his face in his hands and meeting his eyes, his own desperate.

"Hey, no; that's not your fault, Jeff. It's mine. I should trust you more, and it's my fault I don't, and I'm working on it. God knows you've done nothing but earn my trust since we got together, and I should be beyond believing anything John tells me by now." Jeff clung on to Nick's wrists almost for dear life, feeling the tears pushing at the backs of his eyes; and Nick looked ready to cry himself, taking in Jeff's wrecked expression and acknowledging that he was the one who'd caused it.

"I get it, I do. I've n-not exactly got the best track record, and- and anyone else w-would believe it, but I wouldn't Nick, n-not- not to you, I c-_couldn't_-" Jeff dragged in breaths in little gasps, still trying desperately to keep calm even as tears escaped his eyes; and Nick shook his head firmly, brushing the tears away with his thumbs.

"No, I know Jeff, I know. I know you'd never cheat on me. It's not your fault, okay? I promise." Jeff's expression crumpled, and his grip tightened on Nick's wrists; and his voice almost came out as a whine, his tears falling faster and with more frequency.

"I love you." He almost sobbed; and Nick looked physically pained as he watched his boyfriend cry.

"I love you too, Jeff." He whispered, the words almost a promise; and he leant in, pressing his lips to Jeff's firmly.

Jeff released his wrists, wrapping his arms around Nick's neck instead to kiss him back, ignoring the fact he was still crying; and Nick moved to thread his fingers through Jeff's hair, his other hand moving to rest firmly on his lower back.

There was no playfulness to the kiss; Nick didn't trace Jeff's lips with his tongue to make him part them, Jeff didn't drag Nick's bottom lip through his teeth the way he knew would make him gasp. Just the hard press of their lips together; until Jeff broke away to press his face into the crease of Nick's neck, crying quietly and shaking in his boyfriend's arms.

Nick carded his fingers through Jeff's hair and stroked his back softly, mumbling words of comfort and affirmation into the top of his head as he rocked him ever so slightly; and Jeff's crying gradually quietened. Nick continued to murmur into his hair, stroking his knuckles over the back of his neck.

"It's okay, Jeff. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby, it's all my fault. It's okay. Shh." Jeff swallowed, and tightened his hold on Nick.

"I like it when you call me that." He murmured; and Nick smiled a little into his hair.

"What? When I call you baby?" Jeff hummed in confirmation; and Nick's smile widened, and he turned his head to rest his cheek on top of Jeff's head.

"I'll keep that in mind." They were both silent for a while, holding onto each other, Jeff humming 'All You Need Is Love' into Nick's neck; until the brunette spoke up, tone absent.

"You were right, you know." Jeff stopped humming, but didn't move, just frowning to himself.

"About what?" He asked quietly; and Nick smiled.

"Kurt and Blaine. The whole engagement thing was a bad idea. They should have waited." Jeff was quiet for a moment; before he spoke slowly, tone cautious.

"…You don't need to humour me, you know." Nick sighed, and dropped a kiss to the top of Jeff's head.

"I'm not, love. I'm just sorry I was being too much of a dick to see it when it first came up." The tension that had entered Jeff when Nick had first explained slid out of him just as quickly; and Nick grinned, dropping another kiss to the shell of his ear.

"Love you." He whispered, warm breath making Jeff shiver against him; and Nick's grin widened at the response.

"And I love you. Even if you are a moron and a jerk."

* * *

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